can someone help me out here, please?

     so i need some help understanding something...i have these kids, right.  and i really do love them and am often amazed by the things they know and can do.  i actually had a really eye-opening week in reference to children.  there were two events that occurred to people that i am acquainted with that really brought home how incredibly lucky we have been.  i have all of these children, all of whom were born full term with no problems at all.  not even when i had two babies at one time did i get an extra night in the hospital out of it.  it was beyond easy for me to conceive them (haha.  you know, 'cause we were trying and all.  haha.), i never had to go through any kind of stressful, expensive, difficult procedure to get these children.  they are all smart and affectionate and polite and really good kids.  they are crazy healthy, too...a broken leg, some stitches in a lip, a few staples in a head and a few high fevers...but that's it.  that's the extent of any medical emergencies/procedures/etc. that we've had to deal with.   i am really, really lucky.  i know this.  but...
     i've mentioned that i am sometimes amazed by the things they can do.  these are children that can ride skateboards with ease and play baseball well.  they are kids that spoke before their first birthdays and could spout facts about steam engines and name all of the trains in the thomas the tank engine series along with the number of each train.  they are kids that get honors in school and teachers always report that they are "a pleasure to have in class."  they are smart kids.  i know this, too.  so what i need help understanding is this.  why. can't. they. seal. the. shower. curtain. properly?!?!?!  the boys take showers every night.  every. single. night.  the shower curtain needs to be sealed to the walls of the shower and along the bottom of the stall shower or it will leak all over the bathroom floor.  and then into the hallway.  which then drips through the ceiling in the dining room and kitchen.  this makes me very upset when it happens and i make a big. effing. deal. about it.  srsly.  i freak out.  like, last night when they did this, i totally lost it.  i yell and act like a crazy person while i line my dining room with bath towels and pots to catch the downpour.  it's not a happy time in or house, typically.
     i would think that your mom dropping a bunch of "f" notes and yelling about a big huge mess in the house would stay with a person for a day or so.  that way, when this person gets in the shower the next day, he is thinking "dude, i better seal this curtain right tonight or my mom is gonna lose her shit."  apparently, i would think wrong.  because it happened again tonight.  for real.  my boys flooded the mother effing house two nights in a row.  for real.
     so after flooding the house for two nights in a row and watching my mom lose her shit, i would think that i would totally try to avoid any activity that may get me in trouble. like, say...oh, throwing a juice box across the dining room table upon which there are two vases of fresh flowers sitting.  i'm thinking i'd want to avoid something like that.  again, i'd be wrong.  because shortly after the dining room flooding extravaganza, an entire vase of flowers was knocked over and spilled all over the table upon which everyone was eating, when a juice box was thrown from one brother to another and the trajectory was a little low.  for real.  this happened tonight, too.  srsly.  there is so much water being sopped up in my house right now, i'm considering building an arc.
     so really, i do know that i am very lucky to have these guys in my life.  and really, i would not trade any of it for anything.  i would, however, tweak the shit out of some of the decisions the boys make. especially the ones involving water.

sacrifice

     i know, as a mother, i am expected to make all kinds of sacrifices.  big ones and little ones. the big ones are pretty obvious.  we sacrifice exotic vacation locales for trips to the shore and the boardwalk.  we sacrifice a beautiful, clean car for a gigantic suv that seats all of my children comfortably.  we sacrifice a savings account for a good education and clothes that fit, etc.  the sacrifices of that nature, i'm ok with.  really, i am fine with doing those things because i really do love to see my kids have fun and enjoy themselves, so it's worth it.  oh, well, the car thing...that's not an issue of them having fun so much as i am happy to not have to take two cars everywhere we have to go, but you get the idea.
     the little sacrifices, on the other hand, well, they drive me a little nuts.  it's ridiculous, i know, but there it is.  take dinner last night for example.  i made chicken tenders and "cars" macaroni and cheese for the kids for dinner (see...that french culinary education is really paying off) and a stouffer's french bread pizza for myself.  (what?!?!  we went to the playground for awhile and i wanted something easy for dinner!)  no sooner do we sit down than katie says "can i have a taste of your pizza?"  so of course i let her and she decides she really likes it and can i share it with her.  srsly?  it's a piece of frozen pizza.  can't i just eat it by myself?!?!  needless to say, i shared it with her.  and she ate her chicken and macaroni, too.  another little sacrifice that is often made is my beverage.  jack is the KING of "can i have a sip of your drink?"  he's also the king of then finishing the entire drink.  it's constant.  but what am i going to do?  say no as he stands in front of me sweating and panting?  i don't think so.  these things happen all the time and for the most part, they don't even register with me anymore.  today though, i had a brand new experience.  thomas was allowed to have a "dress down day" for school.  he got himself dressed (with a little guidance from his dear mother, of course) in a pair of black shorts and his favorite "free hugs" t -shirt with his "cool" black dc sneakers and a pair of...wait for it...white crew socks.  srsly.  i don't even know where they came from.  the only thing i can think of is that he borrowed them from my dad or something.  it was weird.  anyway, amid all of the morning confusion, i notice the socks and tell him to change them into a pair of black ankle socks, even going so far as to tell him that there are some in my drawer if he can't find any (which, by the way, is another sacrifice.  i have to share socks with thomas when he can't find any) . the morning progresses in it's usual, peaceful, stress-free way (ha), all six of us get out of the house by about 7:20 am and as i walk to the car behind thomas, i notice something.  the big white socks he is wearing with his black sneakers.  so, in the spirit of true motherly sacrifice, i traded socks with him when we got to the car.  (and let me tell you, those white crew socks looked wicked awesome with my sneakers and leggings.  if only i had a nice gigantic fluorescent sweatshirt to go with them.) needless to say, my morning walk was delayed for a few minutes this morning so i could run home to change my socks and do away with the crew socks.  see what sacrifices i am willing to make for my children?!

i know the end is near...

     this one is about me, by the way, not my kids.  it's pretty nervy of me, i know...
 so, i know that is pretty much over for me.  for real this time.  and no...i'm not talking about the crazy failed rapture, i'm talking about for me, personally.  "how do you know this?" you might ask.  the answer...because i just wrote a letter of complaint.  really.  at this point, i might as well get a minivan and some mom jeans to wear with my sneakers and call it a day.  i. wrote. a. letter. of. complaint.  srsly.
     you see, i used to be pretty cool.  not "cool for a mom" cool or "cool for having five kids" cool.  just cool.  like "wear $300 sunglasses because i made $450 bartending on a sunday night" cool.  or "live in new york and buy really good, edgy makeup because that is what i want to do" cool.  and this is where it all begins to unravel.
     i still wear really good makeup, when i decide to actually apply makeup, that is. which, let's face it, is not that often.  sadly.  i moved to new york city to go to school in 1997 (or right around that time, at least) and fell in love with MAC makeup.  they make a really, really great product and their colors are beautiful and different, and well...cool (overuse the word, much?). see, i like girly stuff.  a lot. i love costume jewelry and fancy hair accessories and high heel shoes.  i really love playing with makeup and changing how i look.  pinup girl makeup with black liquid liner and red lips one weekend and smoky gray/silver eyeshadow with neutral lipstick the next.  i really love that stuff.  i could spend hours wandering the cosmetics counters in a department store and looking at all the fun stuff.  i really love when someone, like a salesperson at a MAC counter or in a MAC store, has really incredible makeup on.  i love to find out what they use and how they did it.  that's fun for me.  however, last week, i wandered in to a MAC store with my mother and was sadly disappointed.  the salespeople were inattentive and rude and we left without buying anything.  so disappointing.  this past weekend, i attempted to get myself a few things and found myself back in the same store, being waited on by a different salesperson who was even more rude, even a little offensive.  again, i left empty handed.
     i now see that the end is coming, because instead of being intimidated by these snotty little makeup brats, i decided to act like a...brace yourself...grown up, got annoyed and wrote a letter about it to the company's customer service department.  i'm a little worried about this new streak of common sense, honestly.  i'm wondering if it might follow through into other areas of my life and prevent me from doing things like, say, spending too much money on really impractical shoes or something.  gasp!  can you imagine the horror in that?!?!  they might as well start picking out burial plots at that point.

there once was a girl...

     so, you see, i used to be this girl who stayed at home with her lovely children and kept a fabulous blog where i posted amusing and insightful things all the time.  then, i became a student. and lost all kinds of free time.  all of these teachers want me to read and do school work and all kinds of crazy stuff like that! imagine! now, i'm on a summer break and find myself with a little bit of time and am feeling the old blog calling to me.  i mean, i'm still fabulously amusing and insightful, right?  why not spread my sunshine to the world!  ha!  in restarting the blog, i considered starting a whole new one, but then realized i can just use this one and start out with some followers right from the get go.  total win, right there.  plus, i really, truly can not think of a better name for a blog of mine.  "be careful what you wish for" should be written on my tombstone someday.  srsly.
     since i have left the blogging world, a miracle has occurred in my life.  all. five. children. are. in school. FULL. TIME. maybe you should read that again to really appreciate the awesomeness of that statement.  of course, no sooner did it happen than i started nursing school full time, but, thems the breaks, i guess.  in that time, i have also realized that my daughters were switched for gypsy children in the hospital and someone else took the sweet, obedient, mild-mannered children that i gave birth to.  oh, i should clarify that they are gypsy children that love the word "no."  to say it, not to hear it, of course.
     the girls, katie and cara, are now 4 and go to pre-k full time at the same school that thomas, 11 and jack, 7 attend.  dennis, who is 5, goes to a charter school that we are hoping the others will get in to soon.  tommy, my husband, has started a new job, as the facilities manager of a new casino, and as stated, i go to nursing school full-time.  it's a little busy here.  i'm sure you're surprised.  ha.
     it seems to be time for me to wrap this little blog-fest up...big time rush and wow wow wubbzy! are both starting right now and it's starting to get ugly here.  oh and some sort of ball just hit my front window.  good times, good times...be back soon!

i'll take notable quotables for $1000, alex...

soooo.....

i admit. i've been m.i.a. for a while.

see, i have these five kids and i decided to go back to school.

(ps - if you are new here, i used to blog all the time and follow other people's blogs and share all kinds of witticisms and then my life kinda got in the way of my blogging and i took a little, or not so little, hiatus, but i am going to try to get back in the swing of things. i swear.)

both of those things SRSLY cut in to my blogging time. srsly. but, my kids have been saying some really funny stuff lately and i thought, hey. why not share these conversational gems with the world. or at least with the 60 or so people who follow my blog. so i actually sat down and wrote a blog post. lucky, lucky you! hehe!

so here are some interesting things heard around my house today (the italicized parts indicate my internal dialogue/responses to my children's statements):

thomas (at 6:45 am, as we review for the religion final exam he has to take when he gets to school today) hands me a couple of index cards to quiz him on and i ask if this is all he has. he responds: no. there are more, but i didn't get to write them all down. i'll copy them off one of my friends when i get to school.

~ really?!?! and you'll study these when, exactly? bear in mind, this is catholic grade school...no free periods, no study halls, etc. just a teacher telling kids precisely what to do and when to do it. i'm guessing the cards never got studied.

jack has just pulled out his tooth and is now bleeding all over. after we rinse his mouth, get the tooth put aside for the tooth fairy, etc., he tells me: god! i never knew blood tasted like a sock! i respond: what?!?! he says: well. you know, like a sock smells.

~ looking at this in a glass-half-full type of way...i'm glad he never tasted a dirty sock. right?

my darling jack has been "full of it" today...i come down the stairs after my shower trying to rush everyone out to pick thomas up from school and jack tells me: mommy, you should have just seen this snot. i had a snot that felt kind of weird, so i got it out and it was HUGE!!! it was the biggest snot i ever saw. me: please stop. you are making me gag. where is this snot now? jack walks over to the living room wall and removes the aforementioned snot and says: i guess i shut throw it away, huh?

~ yes. yes you should throw it away. please.

dennis is playing with some webkinz and says he is going to be the "stripe-ed" tiger.

~ apparently, he's been watching "the hangover" when i'm not around.

jack, dennis, katie and cara are in the living room doing...whatever. cara asks who wants to play house with her. dennis asks jack: do you want to play house with the girls, jack? jack's response: sure! as long as i get to be the dog.

~ the dog. he wants to be the dog. that's all i got on that one.

ps - i've included some recent pictures so you have an idea of who the clowns that are saying this stuff are.

i have one word to say to you...

dear mc donalds employee that told my son he couldn't put his feet on the booth while he was sitting there and then proceeded to say something to me about it two more times while i had all five kids there with me but eventually gave up mentioning it after you had to go clean the men's room because someone had smoked crack in there,
i have one thing to say to you...

SERIOUSLY?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?!?

have a wretched day -

beth

ps - this is a true story. me + all five kiddies in mickey d's waiting for tommy to come in and have lunch with them because the boys had a half day of school. as i stood at the table, waiting for our food, another employee came out of the bathroom and said "damn! it stinks in there! someone musta been smoking crack." i naturally assume he was using the term as a figure of speech (as i do quite frequently. however, i did not know that smoking crack was really stinky), but alas, he wasn't. as the charming-yell-at-thomas employee walked past i heard her say "it's terrible. people think they can come in here to get high." then she made that sound like she was sucking her teeth. obviously, thomas sitting with his foot up was the biggest problem they had in there that day.

do they really belong to me?

so, i love my children's names but i know that they are not "fun" or hip or unique. they are good, traditional names that i love. even the two names that are my absolute favorites (you know the ones that when you were a silly little teenager planning your perfect wedding and your perfect future with your one perfect baby boy and one perfect baby girl and their perfect names) and that i think are really cool, are not in actually all that exciting (thanks to grandpop murray, pop speers and margaret mitchell). well, the girls have rebelled (shocking, i know) and have chosen new names for themselves.

meet...fifi and zsa zsa. for real.

can i make a confession?

alright. i have a confession. and i am totally waving my brat flag with this one, but it's my blog and if i want to whine about something, i'll whine. sorry. anyway, here it is. i.hate.potty training. not the actual practice of teaching them to go on the toilet. the actual part when they use the toilet instead of diapers and pull-ups. i think it sucks. i know, i know. most people are thrilled to bits once their kids are trained. me...not so much (i warned you that i was being a brat here, didn't i?).
wanna know what's worse. cara trained herself. with no encouragement from her parents. in fact, when i think about it, it was kind of with discouragement from her parents. you know...all five kids are in target with you because you just had to buy milk before you go home and cara, who is wearing a pull-up, decides she has to go to the bathroom. imagine yourself and five kids in a bathroom stall (not even the handicap stalls hold that many people). now imagine trying to convince all five kids not to touch anything. see...discouragement. sadly, caroline's will prevailed and she is trained.
what i hate is the whole not-able-to-do-it-by-herself thing. every time she has to go to the bathroom means i, too, have to go to the bathroom. if we're out somewhere, it means everyone who is with me also has to go to the bathroom. it also means that every time we are out somewhere, we have to go to a bathroom. when was the last time you had to go to the bathroom in a place that doesn't necessarily provide public bathrooms? let me tell ya something...it ain't pretty. the way i see it, it's kind of a big hassle. i know, i know. listen to me "waaaaah! my life is so hard. my kid is potty trained. waah!" but. like i said, it's my blog. i can whine if i want to.
looks like i gotta run now. apparently, cara has to go to the bathroom. again.

shameless plug for some etsy that i love

so, the tutus...

i received a couple of comments about the tutus that my girls are wearing at their birthday party, and i've been meaning to do a post about an etsy shop that i am a HUGE fan of, and as the tutus came from the etsy girl, it seemed like a good time to do this.

so, one of my best friends in the world (i'm talking first day of third grade - go to her house and tell all about the first time i kissed a boy - 10ish new kids on the block concerts - get dressed for high school dances at her house because her parents are at the mountains and we are not supposed to be wearing dresses that short or that tight to the dance at the boys' high school - go on a million vacations her family even though i am the only person there that does not understand italian - bridesmaid in each other's wedding kind of best friend) has opened her own etsy shop called bellina bowtique (i wasn't kidding about the italian language) where she is currently selling hairbows and eventually branch out into other girly accessories, such as the fabulous tutus that my girls wore to their birthday party.

i don't know if you all caught it, but the tutus and hairbows were coordinated to the paper products for the party (i don't play around when it comes to themes). most pictures of my girls include hairbows that stephanie has made and while i prefer the over the top, bigger is better type of bow, she does make some bows that are much more appropriately scaled to little girls' heads, too. stephanie makes bows that coordinate with gymboree's clothing lines as well as special holiday themed bows. i've even been known to take a picture of an outfit that my girls are going to wear and email it to her so she can do a bow to match that outfit specifically (what?!?! like you wouldn't?). like i said, a little over the top.

we have recently had two baby girls born into the family (shout outs to erin and maggie and lisa and keira, woo!) and i gave them killer new baby gifts from my dear friend's shop...crocheted beanie hats with big huge flowers on them and hair bows that coordinate and can be switched for the flower, pretty little pink polka dot bows and cute little purple clippies. so fun (i mean really, you're never too young to develop a passion for great accessories)!

go check out stephanie's shop, bellina bowtique. i know you will love it as much as i do!

ps - the pictures all include things (pink and purple tutus for their 2nd birthday, easter hair bow, bow on the hats for st. patty's day, tutus and coordinated hairbows for their 3rd birthday, etc.) that i have gotten from stephanie!

september

i'm back, bitches! haha...you thought i was gone, didn't you? tricked ya! i was really just buried under a pile of life. i am starting to see the light, though and hopefully will be my happy (haha) blog-posting, blog-commenting self soon.

anywho...september was a month of firsts and since i was a bad blogger and didn't post about the first day of pre-k, the first day of kindergarten, ah hell...the first day of fourth grade, too, the first day of dance class, the kickass pirates and princesses party, the third birthday, etc., etc., etc., i figure i will make this a big, fat picture post and just show you what our month looked like. you can thank me later.

if anyone is wondering...tommy is still unemployed, but doing lots of side work, so we are still hanging in there (it helps to have really super parents, too, by the way) and i am totes schooling all those silly little college kids in my classes. i'm so the girl ruining the curve for them and i love it. haha, fools! srsly, though...school is going pretty well. we are having some adhd/crappy teacher issues with thomas that we are working on and i have been spending a lot of time researching new schools and talking to therapists to get an iep and all kinds of good stuff like that. all in all, it has been a crazy busy couple of weeks for us, but hopefully, i will develop a better schedule soon. i miss you my bloggy friends!

ps - the pictures are terrible. i am using disposable cameras these days and when i got these discs back, they were so fuzzy! sorry!

life

i feel like a total blog slacker lately. real life has totally taken over. tommy is still not back to work, so that means i have to SHARE computer time during the day (wtf, right?!!?) and with taking classes, i have to spend my time doing other things like reading psychology and doing statistics homework. plus, the boys all have homework now, too. it's busy here.
i totally have to still do the girls' birthday post, as their birthday was on saturday. i also want to write something about their party, but i still don't have the party pictures on here, which i need to do, so you can see the true pirate and princess fabulousness that was the girls' birthday outfits. plus, i have to do a post about a super etsy shop that belongs to one of my best friends (like, since third grade best friend) and is the source of previously stated fabulousness. also, i really should tell you all about how caroline, the evil genius, has completely potty trained herself. f'real. lots to do, lots to do...
i figured i would share a little gem from yesterday with everyone, though. i was trying to do some reading and school work and tommy came in to see how it was going. as the boys were all in school, katie and cara made their way into the bathroom. as tommy and i listened, he wondered if they were trying to rebuild the bathroom. i replied that i thought they were just trying to break the toilet. less than five minutes later, there was a giant porcelain sounding crash. sure enough the lid of the toilet was on the floor and cara was pointing at katie saying "katie do it. shes do it." which, by the way, i totally don't believe. my two darling daughters, sweet little angels that they are, managed to break the lid of my toilet. not my three boys. sigh...

ahem...(tap, tap, tap)...is this thing on?

stepping up on my soapbox...
i have some inflammatory things to say here, so i apologize in advance to anyone who is truly offended, but i gotta say...kanye west, taylor swift...i really don't care. really, really don't care. i am posting on this here, today, because facebook was so full of outrage yesterday and i found it so annoying, but if i post anything on facebook about it, i am just feeding into the frenzy.
i like kanye west's music ("run this town" is my newest ring tone). i don't mind taylor swift's music (i prefer carrie underwood or kenny chesney or even zac brown...srsly just outed myself as a country music listener...gasp). i'll leave "pictures to burn" on when i hear it. but, i like these songs. not the actual singers. they don't affect my life in any way. they don't live near me, don't talk to my kids, don't let their dog go to the bathroom on my sidewalk, nothing. these are things that would have an effect on my life. celebrities...no effect at all.
i know the argument is that celebrities are role models, blah blah blah. but...isn't that my job? and my family's? shouldn't we be providing examples for our kids to follow? shouldn't we be people that our kids can look up to try to be like? if my kids see someone acting like an ass on tv, then try to act like that, they will be corrected by an actual real live adult in their life and know that douchey behavior is not acceptable. i think that's more important than what happens on the vma awards. plus, it's not like it was a really important awards show like the grammys or anything, right? haha...kidding, people.
anywho...my point here is that i don't care what happened. please don't tell me not to listen to kanye anymore. please don't tell me that taylor swift is heartbroken and will never recover. she'll be fine, i'm sure and really i just don't care. sorry.
now, in a complete 100% contradiction to everything that i've just said (i can do that, you know, it's my blog)...i'm so sad that johnny castle has died. that is my number one, favorite movie of all time. so, so sad. i am thinking of changing jack's name to johnny in a tribute to mr. castle. also, i think the rafter kids will be retiring the michael jackson dance moves and start practicing "johnny's mambo" and the lift. i'll keep you posted on our progress.
sorry about the rant...
...stepping down from the soapbox now...

lord help me, part 2

one of my least favorite things to hear is "oh! twins! how cute! i totally hope i have twins! i think it would be so much fun!" my initial reaction is to tell the person to shut it, but i am usually able to refrain and respond with a more acceptable "oh, ha ha. they are cute but they really are a lot of work. he he."

i wonder if those wishful individuals realize that twins are able to create this much havoc while their parent is in the bathroom. the above picture is really what having twins is like. count your blessings people, count your blessings...

ps - this mess incorporates all of jack's shirts, his pajamas and bathing suits and some of thomas' shirts for good measure. awesome.

lord help me

this is a picture of the title page from thomas' (who is in 4th grade this year) spelling copybook. looks like it may be along year, no?

i'm going to go start my serenity prayers now...

09.07.02

seven years ago today, i was at the BEST.PARTY.EVER. so we're quite a few of you readers out there, too (c'mon...you know it totally rocked). i got married on september 7, 2002 in wildwood, nj (i know, right?! wildwood is for drunken hook ups, not marriage, but meh, i like to live on the wild side) and proceeded to cape may, nj for the reception (with at pit stop at the beach for some of the BEST.WEDDING.PICTURES.EVER.) i don't think the staff at the hotel alcott really knew what they were up against. regardless, it was a perfectly beautiful day, with a totally killer party to finish it out (if you don't believe me, check out the picture of grandmom breaking it down, daddy getting trapped during a rendition of "paradise in the dashboard lights" or patrick opening the breakdancing competition). in short, a totally awesome day. i would do it again in a heartbeat (and trust me, i could totally use the money that was spent on it, but i don't care, i would do it again anyway). i've included some pictures of the day for everyone else to relive the day, too. now i am off to pack the five kids in the car for a barbecue at my mom's. romantic, no?

i want glitter and candy

so, it's been established that my house is crazy and i am privy to some ridiculous conversations. this is what i am listening to/talking about right now:
amazingly, all five kids are sitting in the living room coloring lightning mc queen papers from a kit that dennis received as a present yesterday.
i look over the crowd and say "those are cool. who got those for you, dennis?" dennis ignores me. thomas answers "someone." thanks for that informative answer, tom.
ps - i don't know who it's from, because the boys took it upon themselves to open the gifts at some random point in out little party last night, with no adults around. thanks to all who give him gifts, but i have no idea who gave what.
while thomas and i have this conversation, dennis is saying "this is my masterpiece," cara is saying "i got puple (which is purple, and no shit, cara, it's the ONLY color you EVER use. ever.)" and jack is saying "i want glitter and candy!" for real. that is what my five year old boy is saying.
i thought i would share another amusing little anecdote from this weekend. saturday, our car (the only car available that seats all of our family at one time) broke down. something about the transmission. needless to say, with daddy not working, mommy had a little breakdown. thankfully my mom (who has previously been mentioned as the best mom ever) came through for me again and i was able to relax somewhat and enjoy myself at the baby shower for my cousin lisa (woo hoo! shout out!) that we had on sunday.
while sitting at a table with family outside, i feel something buzzing around the fake flower on the headband i am wearing. i swat at it, and with my impeccable aim, flick a bee down the front of my shirt (damn cleavage!!!). i shake out the shirt, and mistakenly think i get rid of the bee. a few minutes later, i feel something tickling my side and go to scratch it. as i put my hand on my side, i am thinking in my head "STOP! IT'S THE BEE! STOP NOW!" but apparently, my hand didn't care. yup. i squeal because i get stung by the bee and then start crying laughing because it's so ridiculous. meanwhile, no one knows why i yelled or why i am laughing, because no one knows about the bee in the first place. by the time i am able to get the whole story out, everyone was pretty much laughing, 'cause really, who flicks a bee down their shirt?!?! now, i have a big itchy welt that spans my side from the back of my hip around to my stomach. did i mention i'm allergic to bee stings?
good times, good times...

ADDENDUM
8pm in the rafter household on the longest day of my life...
dennis has been crying and saying "play doh" for about 45 minutes but he is not allowed to play with it again tonight, since i have already vacuumed up the day's mess and fed everyone dinner and dessert and cleaned that up, too. in his tear-induced delirium, he decides to haul off and throw a full red "little hug" drink at thomas, who is sitting on the living room floor. i am in the process of waking the girl's up while changing their pull-ups to put them to bed (ps - tommy has been doing two different side jobs since about 7am. yay for work. boo for my day of single motherhood). i send jack up to go to the bathroom and get pajamas on. this is the conversation that takes place (while i clean the red juice off the floor, change the girls as they cry and try to block out dennis' screaming):
me: put some jammies on while you are up there
jack (who is 5): can you help me? (see above for why that was not on my list of things to do at this moment)
me: jack, come on, just put pajamas on
jack: what if i do it wrong again and get two pants?
me: look at the pajamas and if you have two pants, put one back and get a shirt
jack: it's hard to tell
me: pants have two holes for legs. shirts have two hole for arms. laughter (because, really, what else is there? this was a dead-serious conversation i had to participate in)
around 10 minutes later, jack comes down in a pair of underwear, carrying christmas striped pj pants and one of thomas' t-ball shirts. meh...he got a shirt and a pair of pants. it counts.
now, i'm off to yell at the boys to "be quiet and not wake the girls" and take a nice, big helping of benadryl and go to bed.

happy 4th birthday, dennis!

today is dennis' 4th birthday. my memory of his actual birth is pretty foggy (poor middle child. i'm sorry, baby). i do know that my mom and sister were at my house and we were getting ready to leave to go on a crate and barrel shopping expedition when my water broke. so, instead of crate and barrel, tommy and i went to the hospital where i was hooked up to my antibiotics (i was group b strep for my last three pregnancies). i know that was probably about 7pm and that we were there all night, but i have no real clear recollections, otherwise. meghan (who was there in the delivery room with us for both thomas and dennis) says that at some point the next day, i started bleeding, which was pretty freaky and then he was born (very vague, i know). i didn't get to hold dennis immediately. he was whisked to the nicu because he was a "mellow fellow." in the meantime, i had a reaction to the anesthesia so they put benadryl in my iv, which pretty much turned me into a non-comprehending mass of sleepiness. i vaguely remember them wheeling me past him in the nicu to see him and just praying that they would put me in a bed so i could sleep. not a very romantic or noteworthy story. sorry, baby.

dennis was actually born on a wednesday at 2:45 pm weighing 6 pounds, 7 ounces (peanut!). he was, and still is, one of the honest-to-god prettiest boys i have ever seen (when i was pregnant with the girls i had serious fears that they wouldn't be as pretty as him. shallow, i know). he was also one of the calmest, most content, easiest to live with babies in the history of babies. he LIVED in his baby papasan swing. so easy going and pleasant (which was a GIGANTIC contrast to his brother jack. GIGANTIC).

dennis has grown into the wildest of my boys. and the toughest. i'm pretty sure that as they get older, thomas and jack will be running to get dennis to beat someone up for them (i should also note here that dennis is way, way littler than thomas and jack. they have always ranked in the 95+ percentile on height and weight charts. dennis tops out around 50%). dennis also had one of the first real emergency room visits requiring ketamine (for real...special k!!! wtf?!?!) and 10 stitches in his face by a plastic surgeon (proof of the "wildest" and "toughest" designations). he's also way more independent than his brothers, getting dressed by himself, going to school/camp with no tears, etc.

dennis is also convinced that he's the coolest of my boys (he may be right, there, too). the other day i was telling katie that someone said she was the sweetest girl they ever met and dennis, with no hesitation, said "did she tell you i was the coolest guy she ever met?" as if there was no question about it, he just wanted to know if the person passed along the info. dennis is also my tattoo kid. the other boys NEVER wear fake tattoos (which is a little weird as i have three real ones of my own). dennis ALWAYS has one. if we don't have the rub-on kind, he draws one on himself. cool. on tuesday, i had to take jack and dennis for school physicals and i was listening to the radio. "knock you down" by keri hilson, kanye and ne-yo was on and i was singing my heart out (it's my ring tone, right now, after all). when it ended, dennis said "i want to hear a song with a guitar." i started switching stations and a commercial with a nirvana song came on. when the clip ended, he said "that song had a guitar! you missed it!" i explained it was a commercial and kept looking. i found "doa" by the foo fighters and before i even settled on it, dennis yelled "that's it! that's the guitar song i want to hear!" see...cool. what other 4 year has such tremendous taste in music? my final dennis story involves his personal grooming (and his similarity to his father). tommy was taking the boys to game stop the other day and dennis went up to go to the bathroom before they left. he came downstairs and sat next to me and i smelled something vaguely familiar. sniffing, i asked him what he did. "nothing" was his reply. i sniffed again and realized what i smelled. i asked "did you put daddy's gel in your hair?" (tommy uses lots of gel. lots. he's pretty particular about it, too.) his response was "we are going out!" as if it is totally normal for a not-quite-four-year-old to gel his hair to go to game stop!!! see...again...cool. love this kid!

in short...he is a pleasure and a joy to have around here. he makes us laugh with his funny humor (and funnier pronunciation) and makes life easier with his independence (and consistent "help" doing the laundry). i would not trade my "baby boy" for anything in the world! happy 4th birthay, dennis! we love you!

self preservation

so, i am thinking about self preservation, or more specifically, why my children do not have any kind of instinct for it. you know how, if you see a really crazy person yelling and cursing on the street, you try to avoid that person, maybe even cross to the other side to stay out of their way? i don't think my kids would do that. they may even walk up to that person and hit them in the head with a balloon and ask the crazy person to get them a drink. at least, if that crazy person looks anything like me, they will. yesterday was not.a.good.day. sigh.
i don't think they have developed that instinct over night, either. as i sit here typing with a black rain cloud over my head, dennis stands next to me (he's already been put in his room for fighting and come back down. it's not yet 10am) saying "chocolatemilkchocolatemilkchocolatemilk" while holding a bottle of hershey's syrup. sigh.
on with a new day...

rambling thoughts from a befuddled mind

dude, it's friday. what.the.eff? i really, truly can't believe it's friday. i started to clue in to the fact that it was friday when a few of my favorite blogs posted something about it being friday (alicia, valentine, jennifer juniper and hit 40). i still wasn't positive, so i looked at my phone and sure enough, it said "fri, aug whatever." obviously, i stopped paying attention after seeing "fri" because i still don't know what the date is. i'm not sure which day that i lost, but one of them went missing. for reals.
i totally don't love my new nail polish. i was all set to be ubercool for the fall with my "gunmetal" polish, too. meh. it's alright. now i'm too lazy to take it off and start over though. also. it is sally hansen polish so i thought it would be half decent (i should let you know that i am a freak about doing my nails. usually use opi polish. two coats of ridge filler, two coats of color, good top coat. freak...like i said). but it is from the "Xtreme color" line which must be for hip little teeny boppers or cheesy girls that don't care or something cause it sucked. the brush sucked and was totally cheapy and the bottle was plastic! i think the last time i had a plastic nail polish bottle it was tinkerbell. cripes.
i watched "mad men" for the first time the other night and i think christina hendricks is my new hero. she's hot. she has gorgeous red hair. and she is not skinny. i want to be her when i grow up. plus, let's face it the style of the early 60's rocks (and i know that christina hendricks does not wear 60's era clothing on a regular basis, but i already mentioned that i am a little befuddled these days). they were totally made for my body type. i would have been a total hottie. plus, having 5 kids then was somewhat more common.
did you know kristen davis has a sex tape? i know. crazy, right? prissy charlotte in a sex tape...no way (tommy also said "hey. she's one of jerry's girlfriends. i didn't figure her for that)! what's even weirder is that i discovered this yesterday (while googling images of christina hendricks in killer clothes, both for the 60's and from today) on some random website...while my kids were watching "miss spider's sunny patch whatever. ohmygod! right?!?! ms. spider is in a porno! weird!
that seems to be all of the coherent thoughts that i can string together at the moment. i do have some funny dennis stories, but as monday is his birthday and i have no recollection whatsoever of his actual birth, i am saving the dennis stories for his birthday post. have a good weekend (since it is friday, after all)!

ps - i reached 50 followers on blogger! woo hoo! how cool am i?!?!

togetherness

so, tommy is currently not working. he got laid off on monday and tuesday was his last day.
[for anyone that does not know us personally, i am totally freaked out about this, but it is not as truly as horrifying as it seems. tommy is a union electrician, so he does have lots of leads and the backing of a union. thank god. however, the idea that neither one of us has a legitimate income right now is quite overwhelming. somewhat comparable to finding out you are having twins at 20 weeks when you currently have a 6 year old, 2 year old and 9 month old.]
if you do the math, you will see that tommy has been home for two days. so far, his half empty coffee cup which has been left on the counter in front of the coffee pot has been knocked over twice. mine has never been knocked over because i...a) finish my coffee and b) put the empty coffee in the sink.
now i am off to try school uniforms on thomas and jack to see what we need to buy for this year.
good times...good times...