Sunday, July 26, 2009

conversational gems

i thought i'd share a sample of some recent conversations that i've been privy to lately. they may give you a glimpse of why i am the way i am...

breakfast table this morning:
jack, thomas and dennis all whispering with huge smiles on their faces as mommy sits at the table.
jack: my happiness is in my mumblemumblemumble
me: what did you just say?! (at this point, i totally heard him say "my happiness is in my penis", but am waiting to see if he'll own up to it)
jack: nothing
me: you said something
jack: if i telly you i'll get sent upstairs because it's bad
me: then why would you say it if you already know it's bad?
jack: because it is still funny
at this point the conversation ends because who can argue with that? having a five year old tell you that his happiness is in his penis actually is very funny, while being a bad thing for him to say. also, as an aside...srsly, jack?!?! you don't even really know yet what that thing can do! what is he going to be like then?!?!?!

same breakfast table, slightly later in the meal:
katie: daddy, yous eyes is yellow
tommy: no they're not kate, they're blue
katie: no daddy. they's yellow
tommy: i hope not. then i'd be jaundiced
katie: YOU NOT A JAUNDICE BROTHER! we watch the jaundice brothers on tv. daddy, you silly

two hours into a car trip to the shore that should be over but is taking about two and a half hours, instead:
me: come on guys, settle down. we'll be at grandmom's in like five minutes
jack (slightly under his breath): five minutes later...are we there yet?

in bed one morning with jack as he is just waking up:
me: come on, jack, let me get this pull up off and put your underwear on
jack (looking down at his morning wood): mommy! look at my bird! it looks just like the eiffel tower!
admittedly, this one and the next one took place a couple of months ago, but they still rank as some of the funniest conversations i have ever had.

jack and dennis in the bathtub:
dennis: i have to pee
at this point, i lay a towel down on the floor and help dennis out of the tub. he goes to the toilet and pees like austin powers after he is cryogenically unfrozen.
jack: he is austin powers!
me: i know, right?
jack: do you know why?
me: why?
jack: he can pee like that because his bird is powerful. he told me.

now that i have put these down in writing, i realize how many of them revolve around my boy's anatomy. i would be worried about that, but let's face it...i have three boys. it's not ever going to get any better. my only fear is for when it gets worse. ewww.


  1. That is so freakin funny! I had to read it out loud to the hubby would know why I was laughing so hard I almost pee'd like Austin Powers too!

  2. with three boys you may just have enough material to do a stand up act. i just lol, for real. they are priceless!

  3. it is indeed funny,
    i can relate to you as well, i have 4 boys,in that situation, sometimes i do not know what to react,but we have to deal with it. My youngest son a 10yr old boy is the one so vocal about it,even asked where baby came from and how they have gotten in there,i guess we have to answer them with all honesty even if we are not sure if they comprehend it.

  4. Eiffel tower? lol!! and the jaundice brother comment killed me!!! awesome!

  5. These are hilarious!!

    And my girls love the jaundice brothers, too. Who knew you were related to Hollywood stars :)

  6. The power of the bird. Their fascination with it never ends. Your kids are fricking hysterical.

  7. I am still laughing over "happiness is in my penis"...I think he will say that from age 5 until...oh.....75?

  8. This is what I have to look forward to huh? LOL

  9. that's so stinkin' funny! his bird. lol.

  10. I keep meaning to keep notes on supersperm too!! He is also a riot.

  11. This comment has been removed by the author.

  12. That is freakin hilarious! Sounds like we share kids lol. .I don't get the jaundice brothers comment though? There is a tv show called jaundiced brothers?

  13. melissa - she was talking about the jonas brothers. she was mispronouncing jaundice. it was pretty funny.

  14. OMG you cannot make that stuff up! I love the "Jaundice" brothers, so awesome. I about choked on my food!! Good luck this Sept...I will be cheering you on when you want to say Aw F(*Y it...I don't want to do homework!!LOL

  15. Hilarious...what is it with boys...seriously...just in the last few months my little guy has become fascinated with his....I don't get it...but then again...I don't get men's fascination with them either...go figure

  16. If you are near Raleigh give me a shout! I know where all the good produce stands are hiding :)

  17. Okay, first of all I can relate to ALL of those (as you know) but specifically, my husband used to call his a "bird" when he was little and I never heard of that before, and when we say "We'll be there in 5 minutes" all my kids then count to 5 (minutes and seconds aren't their strong point) and yell "Are we there yet???"

  18. Wait until they're old enough to shower on their own and walk naked through your kitchen!

  19. I'm not sure why boys/men always have the "penis" as the go to joke...but it always cracks them up. I know you saw my son's little gem the other day. And by little gem, I don't mean penis. Hee hee.

  20. Jack is a little, shall we say, preoccupied. But Nolan is similarly preoccupied with my boobs, so I completely understand.

  21. Thank you for the anniversary wishes! How is it going getting ready for school? How are your children?

  22. As the mom of a 9 year old boy..I feel your pain. Endless potty jokes and penis conversation. It's funny though to listen to him talking to his friends though.

    As the wife of a 45 year old man....the potty humor/penis conversations....carry on through eternity, I think.