i have one word to say to you...

dear mc donalds employee that told my son he couldn't put his feet on the booth while he was sitting there and then proceeded to say something to me about it two more times while i had all five kids there with me but eventually gave up mentioning it after you had to go clean the men's room because someone had smoked crack in there,
i have one thing to say to you...

SERIOUSLY?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?!?

have a wretched day -

beth

ps - this is a true story. me + all five kiddies in mickey d's waiting for tommy to come in and have lunch with them because the boys had a half day of school. as i stood at the table, waiting for our food, another employee came out of the bathroom and said "damn! it stinks in there! someone musta been smoking crack." i naturally assume he was using the term as a figure of speech (as i do quite frequently. however, i did not know that smoking crack was really stinky), but alas, he wasn't. as the charming-yell-at-thomas employee walked past i heard her say "it's terrible. people think they can come in here to get high." then she made that sound like she was sucking her teeth. obviously, thomas sitting with his foot up was the biggest problem they had in there that day.

do they really belong to me?

so, i love my children's names but i know that they are not "fun" or hip or unique. they are good, traditional names that i love. even the two names that are my absolute favorites (you know the ones that when you were a silly little teenager planning your perfect wedding and your perfect future with your one perfect baby boy and one perfect baby girl and their perfect names) and that i think are really cool, are not in actually all that exciting (thanks to grandpop murray, pop speers and margaret mitchell). well, the girls have rebelled (shocking, i know) and have chosen new names for themselves.

meet...fifi and zsa zsa. for real.

can i make a confession?

alright. i have a confession. and i am totally waving my brat flag with this one, but it's my blog and if i want to whine about something, i'll whine. sorry. anyway, here it is. i.hate.potty training. not the actual practice of teaching them to go on the toilet. the actual part when they use the toilet instead of diapers and pull-ups. i think it sucks. i know, i know. most people are thrilled to bits once their kids are trained. me...not so much (i warned you that i was being a brat here, didn't i?).
wanna know what's worse. cara trained herself. with no encouragement from her parents. in fact, when i think about it, it was kind of with discouragement from her parents. you know...all five kids are in target with you because you just had to buy milk before you go home and cara, who is wearing a pull-up, decides she has to go to the bathroom. imagine yourself and five kids in a bathroom stall (not even the handicap stalls hold that many people). now imagine trying to convince all five kids not to touch anything. see...discouragement. sadly, caroline's will prevailed and she is trained.
what i hate is the whole not-able-to-do-it-by-herself thing. every time she has to go to the bathroom means i, too, have to go to the bathroom. if we're out somewhere, it means everyone who is with me also has to go to the bathroom. it also means that every time we are out somewhere, we have to go to a bathroom. when was the last time you had to go to the bathroom in a place that doesn't necessarily provide public bathrooms? let me tell ya something...it ain't pretty. the way i see it, it's kind of a big hassle. i know, i know. listen to me "waaaaah! my life is so hard. my kid is potty trained. waah!" but. like i said, it's my blog. i can whine if i want to.
looks like i gotta run now. apparently, cara has to go to the bathroom. again.

shameless plug for some etsy that i love

so, the tutus...

i received a couple of comments about the tutus that my girls are wearing at their birthday party, and i've been meaning to do a post about an etsy shop that i am a HUGE fan of, and as the tutus came from the etsy girl, it seemed like a good time to do this.

so, one of my best friends in the world (i'm talking first day of third grade - go to her house and tell all about the first time i kissed a boy - 10ish new kids on the block concerts - get dressed for high school dances at her house because her parents are at the mountains and we are not supposed to be wearing dresses that short or that tight to the dance at the boys' high school - go on a million vacations her family even though i am the only person there that does not understand italian - bridesmaid in each other's wedding kind of best friend) has opened her own etsy shop called bellina bowtique (i wasn't kidding about the italian language) where she is currently selling hairbows and eventually branch out into other girly accessories, such as the fabulous tutus that my girls wore to their birthday party.

i don't know if you all caught it, but the tutus and hairbows were coordinated to the paper products for the party (i don't play around when it comes to themes). most pictures of my girls include hairbows that stephanie has made and while i prefer the over the top, bigger is better type of bow, she does make some bows that are much more appropriately scaled to little girls' heads, too. stephanie makes bows that coordinate with gymboree's clothing lines as well as special holiday themed bows. i've even been known to take a picture of an outfit that my girls are going to wear and email it to her so she can do a bow to match that outfit specifically (what?!?! like you wouldn't?). like i said, a little over the top.

we have recently had two baby girls born into the family (shout outs to erin and maggie and lisa and keira, woo!) and i gave them killer new baby gifts from my dear friend's shop...crocheted beanie hats with big huge flowers on them and hair bows that coordinate and can be switched for the flower, pretty little pink polka dot bows and cute little purple clippies. so fun (i mean really, you're never too young to develop a passion for great accessories)!

go check out stephanie's shop, bellina bowtique. i know you will love it as much as i do!

ps - the pictures all include things (pink and purple tutus for their 2nd birthday, easter hair bow, bow on the hats for st. patty's day, tutus and coordinated hairbows for their 3rd birthday, etc.) that i have gotten from stephanie!

september

i'm back, bitches! haha...you thought i was gone, didn't you? tricked ya! i was really just buried under a pile of life. i am starting to see the light, though and hopefully will be my happy (haha) blog-posting, blog-commenting self soon.

anywho...september was a month of firsts and since i was a bad blogger and didn't post about the first day of pre-k, the first day of kindergarten, ah hell...the first day of fourth grade, too, the first day of dance class, the kickass pirates and princesses party, the third birthday, etc., etc., etc., i figure i will make this a big, fat picture post and just show you what our month looked like. you can thank me later.

if anyone is wondering...tommy is still unemployed, but doing lots of side work, so we are still hanging in there (it helps to have really super parents, too, by the way) and i am totes schooling all those silly little college kids in my classes. i'm so the girl ruining the curve for them and i love it. haha, fools! srsly, though...school is going pretty well. we are having some adhd/crappy teacher issues with thomas that we are working on and i have been spending a lot of time researching new schools and talking to therapists to get an iep and all kinds of good stuff like that. all in all, it has been a crazy busy couple of weeks for us, but hopefully, i will develop a better schedule soon. i miss you my bloggy friends!

ps - the pictures are terrible. i am using disposable cameras these days and when i got these discs back, they were so fuzzy! sorry!

life

i feel like a total blog slacker lately. real life has totally taken over. tommy is still not back to work, so that means i have to SHARE computer time during the day (wtf, right?!!?) and with taking classes, i have to spend my time doing other things like reading psychology and doing statistics homework. plus, the boys all have homework now, too. it's busy here.
i totally have to still do the girls' birthday post, as their birthday was on saturday. i also want to write something about their party, but i still don't have the party pictures on here, which i need to do, so you can see the true pirate and princess fabulousness that was the girls' birthday outfits. plus, i have to do a post about a super etsy shop that belongs to one of my best friends (like, since third grade best friend) and is the source of previously stated fabulousness. also, i really should tell you all about how caroline, the evil genius, has completely potty trained herself. f'real. lots to do, lots to do...
i figured i would share a little gem from yesterday with everyone, though. i was trying to do some reading and school work and tommy came in to see how it was going. as the boys were all in school, katie and cara made their way into the bathroom. as tommy and i listened, he wondered if they were trying to rebuild the bathroom. i replied that i thought they were just trying to break the toilet. less than five minutes later, there was a giant porcelain sounding crash. sure enough the lid of the toilet was on the floor and cara was pointing at katie saying "katie do it. shes do it." which, by the way, i totally don't believe. my two darling daughters, sweet little angels that they are, managed to break the lid of my toilet. not my three boys. sigh...

ahem...(tap, tap, tap)...is this thing on?

stepping up on my soapbox...
i have some inflammatory things to say here, so i apologize in advance to anyone who is truly offended, but i gotta say...kanye west, taylor swift...i really don't care. really, really don't care. i am posting on this here, today, because facebook was so full of outrage yesterday and i found it so annoying, but if i post anything on facebook about it, i am just feeding into the frenzy.
i like kanye west's music ("run this town" is my newest ring tone). i don't mind taylor swift's music (i prefer carrie underwood or kenny chesney or even zac brown...srsly just outed myself as a country music listener...gasp). i'll leave "pictures to burn" on when i hear it. but, i like these songs. not the actual singers. they don't affect my life in any way. they don't live near me, don't talk to my kids, don't let their dog go to the bathroom on my sidewalk, nothing. these are things that would have an effect on my life. celebrities...no effect at all.
i know the argument is that celebrities are role models, blah blah blah. but...isn't that my job? and my family's? shouldn't we be providing examples for our kids to follow? shouldn't we be people that our kids can look up to try to be like? if my kids see someone acting like an ass on tv, then try to act like that, they will be corrected by an actual real live adult in their life and know that douchey behavior is not acceptable. i think that's more important than what happens on the vma awards. plus, it's not like it was a really important awards show like the grammys or anything, right? haha...kidding, people.
anywho...my point here is that i don't care what happened. please don't tell me not to listen to kanye anymore. please don't tell me that taylor swift is heartbroken and will never recover. she'll be fine, i'm sure and really i just don't care. sorry.
now, in a complete 100% contradiction to everything that i've just said (i can do that, you know, it's my blog)...i'm so sad that johnny castle has died. that is my number one, favorite movie of all time. so, so sad. i am thinking of changing jack's name to johnny in a tribute to mr. castle. also, i think the rafter kids will be retiring the michael jackson dance moves and start practicing "johnny's mambo" and the lift. i'll keep you posted on our progress.
sorry about the rant...
...stepping down from the soapbox now...

lord help me, part 2

one of my least favorite things to hear is "oh! twins! how cute! i totally hope i have twins! i think it would be so much fun!" my initial reaction is to tell the person to shut it, but i am usually able to refrain and respond with a more acceptable "oh, ha ha. they are cute but they really are a lot of work. he he."

i wonder if those wishful individuals realize that twins are able to create this much havoc while their parent is in the bathroom. the above picture is really what having twins is like. count your blessings people, count your blessings...

ps - this mess incorporates all of jack's shirts, his pajamas and bathing suits and some of thomas' shirts for good measure. awesome.

lord help me

this is a picture of the title page from thomas' (who is in 4th grade this year) spelling copybook. looks like it may be along year, no?

i'm going to go start my serenity prayers now...

09.07.02

seven years ago today, i was at the BEST.PARTY.EVER. so we're quite a few of you readers out there, too (c'mon...you know it totally rocked). i got married on september 7, 2002 in wildwood, nj (i know, right?! wildwood is for drunken hook ups, not marriage, but meh, i like to live on the wild side) and proceeded to cape may, nj for the reception (with at pit stop at the beach for some of the BEST.WEDDING.PICTURES.EVER.) i don't think the staff at the hotel alcott really knew what they were up against. regardless, it was a perfectly beautiful day, with a totally killer party to finish it out (if you don't believe me, check out the picture of grandmom breaking it down, daddy getting trapped during a rendition of "paradise in the dashboard lights" or patrick opening the breakdancing competition). in short, a totally awesome day. i would do it again in a heartbeat (and trust me, i could totally use the money that was spent on it, but i don't care, i would do it again anyway). i've included some pictures of the day for everyone else to relive the day, too. now i am off to pack the five kids in the car for a barbecue at my mom's. romantic, no?

i want glitter and candy

so, it's been established that my house is crazy and i am privy to some ridiculous conversations. this is what i am listening to/talking about right now:
amazingly, all five kids are sitting in the living room coloring lightning mc queen papers from a kit that dennis received as a present yesterday.
i look over the crowd and say "those are cool. who got those for you, dennis?" dennis ignores me. thomas answers "someone." thanks for that informative answer, tom.
ps - i don't know who it's from, because the boys took it upon themselves to open the gifts at some random point in out little party last night, with no adults around. thanks to all who give him gifts, but i have no idea who gave what.
while thomas and i have this conversation, dennis is saying "this is my masterpiece," cara is saying "i got puple (which is purple, and no shit, cara, it's the ONLY color you EVER use. ever.)" and jack is saying "i want glitter and candy!" for real. that is what my five year old boy is saying.
i thought i would share another amusing little anecdote from this weekend. saturday, our car (the only car available that seats all of our family at one time) broke down. something about the transmission. needless to say, with daddy not working, mommy had a little breakdown. thankfully my mom (who has previously been mentioned as the best mom ever) came through for me again and i was able to relax somewhat and enjoy myself at the baby shower for my cousin lisa (woo hoo! shout out!) that we had on sunday.
while sitting at a table with family outside, i feel something buzzing around the fake flower on the headband i am wearing. i swat at it, and with my impeccable aim, flick a bee down the front of my shirt (damn cleavage!!!). i shake out the shirt, and mistakenly think i get rid of the bee. a few minutes later, i feel something tickling my side and go to scratch it. as i put my hand on my side, i am thinking in my head "STOP! IT'S THE BEE! STOP NOW!" but apparently, my hand didn't care. yup. i squeal because i get stung by the bee and then start crying laughing because it's so ridiculous. meanwhile, no one knows why i yelled or why i am laughing, because no one knows about the bee in the first place. by the time i am able to get the whole story out, everyone was pretty much laughing, 'cause really, who flicks a bee down their shirt?!?! now, i have a big itchy welt that spans my side from the back of my hip around to my stomach. did i mention i'm allergic to bee stings?
good times, good times...

ADDENDUM
8pm in the rafter household on the longest day of my life...
dennis has been crying and saying "play doh" for about 45 minutes but he is not allowed to play with it again tonight, since i have already vacuumed up the day's mess and fed everyone dinner and dessert and cleaned that up, too. in his tear-induced delirium, he decides to haul off and throw a full red "little hug" drink at thomas, who is sitting on the living room floor. i am in the process of waking the girl's up while changing their pull-ups to put them to bed (ps - tommy has been doing two different side jobs since about 7am. yay for work. boo for my day of single motherhood). i send jack up to go to the bathroom and get pajamas on. this is the conversation that takes place (while i clean the red juice off the floor, change the girls as they cry and try to block out dennis' screaming):
me: put some jammies on while you are up there
jack (who is 5): can you help me? (see above for why that was not on my list of things to do at this moment)
me: jack, come on, just put pajamas on
jack: what if i do it wrong again and get two pants?
me: look at the pajamas and if you have two pants, put one back and get a shirt
jack: it's hard to tell
me: pants have two holes for legs. shirts have two hole for arms. laughter (because, really, what else is there? this was a dead-serious conversation i had to participate in)
around 10 minutes later, jack comes down in a pair of underwear, carrying christmas striped pj pants and one of thomas' t-ball shirts. meh...he got a shirt and a pair of pants. it counts.
now, i'm off to yell at the boys to "be quiet and not wake the girls" and take a nice, big helping of benadryl and go to bed.

happy 4th birthday, dennis!

today is dennis' 4th birthday. my memory of his actual birth is pretty foggy (poor middle child. i'm sorry, baby). i do know that my mom and sister were at my house and we were getting ready to leave to go on a crate and barrel shopping expedition when my water broke. so, instead of crate and barrel, tommy and i went to the hospital where i was hooked up to my antibiotics (i was group b strep for my last three pregnancies). i know that was probably about 7pm and that we were there all night, but i have no real clear recollections, otherwise. meghan (who was there in the delivery room with us for both thomas and dennis) says that at some point the next day, i started bleeding, which was pretty freaky and then he was born (very vague, i know). i didn't get to hold dennis immediately. he was whisked to the nicu because he was a "mellow fellow." in the meantime, i had a reaction to the anesthesia so they put benadryl in my iv, which pretty much turned me into a non-comprehending mass of sleepiness. i vaguely remember them wheeling me past him in the nicu to see him and just praying that they would put me in a bed so i could sleep. not a very romantic or noteworthy story. sorry, baby.

dennis was actually born on a wednesday at 2:45 pm weighing 6 pounds, 7 ounces (peanut!). he was, and still is, one of the honest-to-god prettiest boys i have ever seen (when i was pregnant with the girls i had serious fears that they wouldn't be as pretty as him. shallow, i know). he was also one of the calmest, most content, easiest to live with babies in the history of babies. he LIVED in his baby papasan swing. so easy going and pleasant (which was a GIGANTIC contrast to his brother jack. GIGANTIC).

dennis has grown into the wildest of my boys. and the toughest. i'm pretty sure that as they get older, thomas and jack will be running to get dennis to beat someone up for them (i should also note here that dennis is way, way littler than thomas and jack. they have always ranked in the 95+ percentile on height and weight charts. dennis tops out around 50%). dennis also had one of the first real emergency room visits requiring ketamine (for real...special k!!! wtf?!?!) and 10 stitches in his face by a plastic surgeon (proof of the "wildest" and "toughest" designations). he's also way more independent than his brothers, getting dressed by himself, going to school/camp with no tears, etc.

dennis is also convinced that he's the coolest of my boys (he may be right, there, too). the other day i was telling katie that someone said she was the sweetest girl they ever met and dennis, with no hesitation, said "did she tell you i was the coolest guy she ever met?" as if there was no question about it, he just wanted to know if the person passed along the info. dennis is also my tattoo kid. the other boys NEVER wear fake tattoos (which is a little weird as i have three real ones of my own). dennis ALWAYS has one. if we don't have the rub-on kind, he draws one on himself. cool. on tuesday, i had to take jack and dennis for school physicals and i was listening to the radio. "knock you down" by keri hilson, kanye and ne-yo was on and i was singing my heart out (it's my ring tone, right now, after all). when it ended, dennis said "i want to hear a song with a guitar." i started switching stations and a commercial with a nirvana song came on. when the clip ended, he said "that song had a guitar! you missed it!" i explained it was a commercial and kept looking. i found "doa" by the foo fighters and before i even settled on it, dennis yelled "that's it! that's the guitar song i want to hear!" see...cool. what other 4 year has such tremendous taste in music? my final dennis story involves his personal grooming (and his similarity to his father). tommy was taking the boys to game stop the other day and dennis went up to go to the bathroom before they left. he came downstairs and sat next to me and i smelled something vaguely familiar. sniffing, i asked him what he did. "nothing" was his reply. i sniffed again and realized what i smelled. i asked "did you put daddy's gel in your hair?" (tommy uses lots of gel. lots. he's pretty particular about it, too.) his response was "we are going out!" as if it is totally normal for a not-quite-four-year-old to gel his hair to go to game stop!!! see...again...cool. love this kid!

in short...he is a pleasure and a joy to have around here. he makes us laugh with his funny humor (and funnier pronunciation) and makes life easier with his independence (and consistent "help" doing the laundry). i would not trade my "baby boy" for anything in the world! happy 4th birthay, dennis! we love you!

self preservation

so, i am thinking about self preservation, or more specifically, why my children do not have any kind of instinct for it. you know how, if you see a really crazy person yelling and cursing on the street, you try to avoid that person, maybe even cross to the other side to stay out of their way? i don't think my kids would do that. they may even walk up to that person and hit them in the head with a balloon and ask the crazy person to get them a drink. at least, if that crazy person looks anything like me, they will. yesterday was not.a.good.day. sigh.
i don't think they have developed that instinct over night, either. as i sit here typing with a black rain cloud over my head, dennis stands next to me (he's already been put in his room for fighting and come back down. it's not yet 10am) saying "chocolatemilkchocolatemilkchocolatemilk" while holding a bottle of hershey's syrup. sigh.
on with a new day...

rambling thoughts from a befuddled mind

dude, it's friday. what.the.eff? i really, truly can't believe it's friday. i started to clue in to the fact that it was friday when a few of my favorite blogs posted something about it being friday (alicia, valentine, jennifer juniper and hit 40). i still wasn't positive, so i looked at my phone and sure enough, it said "fri, aug whatever." obviously, i stopped paying attention after seeing "fri" because i still don't know what the date is. i'm not sure which day that i lost, but one of them went missing. for reals.
i totally don't love my new nail polish. i was all set to be ubercool for the fall with my "gunmetal" polish, too. meh. it's alright. now i'm too lazy to take it off and start over though. also. it is sally hansen polish so i thought it would be half decent (i should let you know that i am a freak about doing my nails. usually use opi polish. two coats of ridge filler, two coats of color, good top coat. freak...like i said). but it is from the "Xtreme color" line which must be for hip little teeny boppers or cheesy girls that don't care or something cause it sucked. the brush sucked and was totally cheapy and the bottle was plastic! i think the last time i had a plastic nail polish bottle it was tinkerbell. cripes.
i watched "mad men" for the first time the other night and i think christina hendricks is my new hero. she's hot. she has gorgeous red hair. and she is not skinny. i want to be her when i grow up. plus, let's face it the style of the early 60's rocks (and i know that christina hendricks does not wear 60's era clothing on a regular basis, but i already mentioned that i am a little befuddled these days). they were totally made for my body type. i would have been a total hottie. plus, having 5 kids then was somewhat more common.
did you know kristen davis has a sex tape? i know. crazy, right? prissy charlotte in a sex tape...no way (tommy also said "hey. she's one of jerry's girlfriends. i didn't figure her for that)! what's even weirder is that i discovered this yesterday (while googling images of christina hendricks in killer clothes, both for the 60's and from today) on some random website...while my kids were watching "miss spider's sunny patch whatever. ohmygod! right?!?! ms. spider is in a porno! weird!
that seems to be all of the coherent thoughts that i can string together at the moment. i do have some funny dennis stories, but as monday is his birthday and i have no recollection whatsoever of his actual birth, i am saving the dennis stories for his birthday post. have a good weekend (since it is friday, after all)!

ps - i reached 50 followers on blogger! woo hoo! how cool am i?!?!

togetherness

so, tommy is currently not working. he got laid off on monday and tuesday was his last day.
[for anyone that does not know us personally, i am totally freaked out about this, but it is not as truly as horrifying as it seems. tommy is a union electrician, so he does have lots of leads and the backing of a union. thank god. however, the idea that neither one of us has a legitimate income right now is quite overwhelming. somewhat comparable to finding out you are having twins at 20 weeks when you currently have a 6 year old, 2 year old and 9 month old.]
if you do the math, you will see that tommy has been home for two days. so far, his half empty coffee cup which has been left on the counter in front of the coffee pot has been knocked over twice. mine has never been knocked over because i...a) finish my coffee and b) put the empty coffee in the sink.
now i am off to try school uniforms on thomas and jack to see what we need to buy for this year.
good times...good times...

and reality comes crashing back...

so, as some of you may have noticed, i have not been around for awhile. that is because i was on the best.vacation.ever. and surprisingly, this vacation involved both my children and my in-laws. i know, right?!?! my husband's family and i spent last week in nags head, north carolina and it is a vacation i HIGHLY recommend. we started out last saturday at 6am (for real, yo) by loading all five children and way too much clothing into the car. we made great time until we reached north carolina where we hit mad shore traffic. however, everything worked out perfectly (we're good like that, haha) because, as we pulled up to the realtor, they handed us the key. even though we were half an hour early (it was 3:30 pm...you can do your own math figuring how long we were in the car) and even though most of the other people staying with us had been at the house since, like, noon (fools. they should take punctuality lessons from tommy and i). tommy (my wonderful husband who is the real life eddie haskell) was able to schmooze the key out of the dragon lady a little early.

from there we drove the seven miles to our house at mile post 11 (i sound like a real obx'er, now, don't i?). we had a seven bedroom (there were 13 adults and 9 kids in the house for the duration), oceanfront house with a pool and hot tub. it was the best set-up ever! we did not leave the grounds for the entire week. we woke up everyday and had a big breakfast (lucky for them, they had a "classically trained french chef" with them. me.), then suited up and went out to the pool or beach. at some point, someone would do something for lunch, even delivering it to those sitting on the beach). after a while, i would start dinner and when it was ready, everyone would come up and eat. sometimes, the kids would get baths and put on their jammies. a couple of nights, the guys lit a bonfire on the beach and we just went back down there. i think, there was maybe two days total that anyone in my family actually wore anything other than a bathing suit or pajamas (note to self...do not pack outfits for everyday in the outerbanks). it was a totally relaxing vacation, which is REALLY saying a lot with that many children in one house.

and because tommy and i can never do anything easily, we left nags head at 4am friday morning so he could come home and dj a wedding. friday night, my parents 9i have the best.mom.EVER.) picked up the kids and took them to the shore for "family day" on the beach (this is a day when all of my mom's cousins and their families go to the same beach to hang out and party...games for the kiddies...prizes...etc.). the theme this year was "rock stars" and my kids went as the jackson 5. they all had a t-shirt that said "we're the jacksons and we're bad!" along with glittery microphones and the mandatory sparkly white glove. apparently, they loved it (tommy and i had a wedding saturday night, so we missed this year)! hopefully, someone will send me some pictures soon (HINT, HINT). needless to say, saturday was a wonderful/crazy fun day for tommy and i. sunday, the children were delivered home.

this is where reality pokes her nasty head in. tommy got up and went to work this morning. at 8am, the rest of the family woke up and converged in my bedroom. in case you were wondering, 6 people in a queen size bed is too many. just sayin'. i have broken up more fights and screaming matches today than ever before. dennis has been carried up to bed twice in the middle of a crazy screaming fit and thomas and jack have been banished from my sight. i have been on hold with school for 15 minutes to see why my school loans have not been applied yet (if everything is not paid by tomorrow, they'll drop my classes). oh, and tommy got laid off. tomorrow will be his last day. welcome home, right? sigh. sometimes reality is a nasty bitch, ain't she?

anywho...vacation rocked and i am so glad we were able to go. as stated previously, i highly recommend a trip to the outerbanks. i even more highly recommend coming home from your vacation and having someone take your kids away for two days. haha. i kid. sorta. hopefully, i will soon have pictures of vacation to post (my camera is broken again, so i used a disposable. i took like 6 pictures or something. i know...rotten mother). so, in conclusion...no worries, folks, i have not abandoned you and now i am back to spread my joy and hilarity to all. ha.

ps - the picture is actually of the beach deck on the back of our rental home. how great is that view?

conversational gems

i thought i'd share a sample of some recent conversations that i've been privy to lately. they may give you a glimpse of why i am the way i am...

breakfast table this morning:
jack, thomas and dennis all whispering with huge smiles on their faces as mommy sits at the table.
jack: my happiness is in my mumblemumblemumble
me: what did you just say?! (at this point, i totally heard him say "my happiness is in my penis", but am waiting to see if he'll own up to it)
jack: nothing
me: you said something
jack: if i telly you i'll get sent upstairs because it's bad
me: then why would you say it if you already know it's bad?
jack: because it is still funny
at this point the conversation ends because who can argue with that? having a five year old tell you that his happiness is in his penis actually is very funny, while being a bad thing for him to say. also, as an aside...srsly, jack?!?! you don't even really know yet what that thing can do! what is he going to be like then?!?!?!

same breakfast table, slightly later in the meal:
katie: daddy, yous eyes is yellow
tommy: no they're not kate, they're blue
katie: no daddy. they's yellow
tommy: i hope not. then i'd be jaundiced
katie: YOU NOT A JAUNDICE BROTHER! we watch the jaundice brothers on tv. daddy, you silly

two hours into a car trip to the shore that should be over but is taking about two and a half hours, instead:
me: come on guys, settle down. we'll be at grandmom's in like five minutes
jack (slightly under his breath): five minutes later...are we there yet?

in bed one morning with jack as he is just waking up:
me: come on, jack, let me get this pull up off and put your underwear on
jack (looking down at his morning wood): mommy! look at my bird! it looks just like the eiffel tower!
admittedly, this one and the next one took place a couple of months ago, but they still rank as some of the funniest conversations i have ever had.

jack and dennis in the bathtub:
dennis: i have to pee
at this point, i lay a towel down on the floor and help dennis out of the tub. he goes to the toilet and pees like austin powers after he is cryogenically unfrozen.
jack: he is austin powers!
me: i know, right?
jack: do you know why?
me: umm...no. why?
jack: he can pee like that because his bird is powerful. he told me.

now that i have put these down in writing, i realize how many of them revolve around my boy's anatomy. i would be worried about that, but let's face it...i have three boys. it's not ever going to get any better. my only fear is for when it gets worse. ewww.

new babies

on sunday, we welcomed a brand new member to our family. my sister-in-law gave birth to my new nephew, aidan james, who may be the most prompt person i have ever met, being born on his due date, with no induction or anything (the promptness is DEFINITELY something he gets from his mother, by the way). he's perfect. his birth has been making me realize a few things.

i don't feel that i am an overly sentimental person, especially when it comes to babies. i don't feel any burning need to hold them and snuggle with them. in fact, it is a running joke in the family that when someone sees me holding a baby, they ask me what i am doing. i think, no...i know, that this is a result of having so many babies of my own so close together. you see, i had four babies in a span of twenty-eight months. i'll repeat that for you...FOUR children in TWO YEARS and FOUR MONTHS. that means i was essentially pregnant from approximately september 2004 to september 2006. it's kinda made me feel like i am just "over" the whole baby thing. in addition to eternal pregnancy, i had a constant baby on my hip, or my shoulder, or my lap, etc. it gets to be overwhelming.

however, with the birth of aidan, i realize that...gasp...i am a little sad that i'll never have that brand new baby of my own. (don't get me wrong. i would probably have to be committed if i found out i was going to have another child, but...) i really, truly believe that the days in the hospital and immediately after the baby is born are the best days in a person's (read woman's) life. it seems like the whole world stops and focuses on this new life. it doesn't matter what time it is or what was originally planned. nothing else is as important as this new person's (and to some extent, his mother's) comfort and happiness. there is a certain peacefulness about bringing home a new baby that you can never quite achieve at any other time.

i wish at this point that i had spread my children's births out a little so that i was better able to appreciate this time in our lives (something you should know...i never "tried" to get pregnant. it was more an issue of not trying hard enough NOT to get pregnant). i hope that my brother and sister-in-law are able to fully appreciate how great this time in their lives are and enjoy the overall newness of aidan. and, i hope that at some point, i am able to borrow a little of his peaceful newness for myself.

it's tuesday...time for random thoughts

so here are some of my random thoughts for today. i don't have a whole lot. i think my children are draining all of my brain cells.

1) laurie berkner, moose a. moose and zee suck.

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2) sometimes...i don't even think i like people, kids especially. today is one of those days.

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3) i wonder if i person's head can actually explode from hearing the same things repeated enough times. examples would be: the word "mommy" and the question "can i have something to eat?"

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4) i am continually amazed by the number of people that wear jeans and work boots to the gym. how can that be comfortable? who looks at that and says "this would be the optimal ensemble for me to go exercise and sweat my ass off in."?

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5) the punctuation in number 4 is bugging me, because i don't know if it is done correctly, but i don't quite care enough to research and fix it if it is wrong.

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6) if you refer to yourself in the third person, you are a tool. if you refer to yourself and your wife in the third by the media's pet name combining your two first names your are an extreme tool. if you run a charity race dressed like uncle sam and his slutty counterpart and say the quote "there is nothing speidi loves more than america," i may hunt you down and kill you myself. i am 99% percent positive that i would be acquitted of the crime as a justifiable homicide for sheer, outrageous tool-ness. ****************************************************************

7) i hate spencer pratt.

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8) katie and cara need haircuts. when they need them, i pull their bangs up into a little ponytail on the top of their heads with a bow. it makes them look like snorks (see the picture of cara and baby tom {how cute is he?!?} for proof) .

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aaaand...i'm spent...
for really, true randomness visit keely at the unmom. enjoy!

i'm it...part II

so, the second tag that i've received lately is from isabel princes over at mommy is in the bathroom. this is a "meme" tag (which i think is called that because it is all about me, get it?).

Here are the rules:
1. Respond and rework; answer the questions on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your invention, add one more question of your own.
2. Tag other people.Sounds simple enough, right?

What is your current obsession? reading blogs and textsfromlastnight.com. sad but true. i'm guessing that those will soon be replaced with school work. otherwise, i'm in trouble.
What are you wearing today? right now a pair of sweatpants and a green and gray striped night gown (had to throw the sweats on when i got the boys ready for camp. don't think my brother in law needs to see me in a night gown first thing in the morning). after i shower, most likely a gray t-shirt dress with flip flops.
What’s for dinner? not sure yet. i am going food shopping after i feed my two addictions for the day.
What would you eat for your last meal? tough one...i just finished the rest of this post and still haven't come up with an answer for this. maybe, i would just be happy with something someone else cooked and served to me.
What are you listening to right now? the wonder pets singing about being small. i really hate the wonder pets.
If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go? the beach. any beach as long as it was nice and i could sit there and read or nap for the hour.
Which language do you want to learn? french
What do you love most about where you currently live? i live in the city which i love. good food, cool stuff to do, etc. philadelphia is also ideally located because it takes to hours to drive to nyc, two hours to drive to the shore, two hours to drive to the mountains. i really like living in philly, come to think of it.
What style is your current home decorated in? ummm...pretty traditional/classic i guess. nothing too funky, which i would totally change if i was rich.
If you were a time traveler what era would you live in? i'm pretty sure it's the 50's. whenever marilyn monroe and jayne mansfield were hot. i would totally rock then. this ultra skinny thing is totally not me.
What is your favorite color? red, i guess, but i wear black A LOT.
What is your favorite piece of clothing in your own wardrobe? hmmm...way too difficult...probably my black patent leather shoes with the big bow across the toes.
What were you doing ten years ago? leaving my four month old baby with babysitters to start a new job.
If you had $300 now, what would you spend it on? probably bills. maybe stuff for our vacation, but if i got to be totally frivolous and irresponsible with it, i would get one of my tattoos redone.
What are you going to do after this? shower and go food shopping, then pick the boys up from camp
What are your favorite films? dirty dancing, wedding crashers, old school, the hangover, the commitments.
Your favorite books? gone with the wind, little women, wicked, natural born charmer
Do you collect anything? books. i could save SOOOO much money if i would go to the damn library. i really like to own my books though. i totally reread ones i like. someday i will have a room with bookshelves and i can fill it (even if most of them are romance novels). oh, and i guess accessories. i really have a lot of shoes and jewelry (cheap, fun stuff, not good stuff)
What makes you follow a blog? someone that is funny and that i can relate to
What was the most enjoyable thing you did today? sat at the computer reading blogs and drinking coffee while the boys are at camp and the girls played nicely together.
Ann's Question:What makes you comment on a blog? when i have something to say about the post or if it is someone who frequently comments on my blog
Amy's Question:What is your favorite thing to do when you have some free time? read
Annissa's Question:As you know I homeschool -- If you could would you? Do you agree with homeschooling? not totally. i think kids need the interaction with others and i also need the break, honestly.
Tonya's Question:What is a talent you wished you had? i wish i could play the piano
Kyooty's Question: If you could be any other animal other then Human, what would you be? i guess a dog, because people treat them like humans without the responsibilities. i'm totally not a dog person, though.
Carrin's Question: Rush just told me that by 2042, white people will be the minority. Do you believe that? Would that be a big deal to you? that's pretty crazy. i guess i believe it, but i'm not really sure how i feel about it.
isabel's Question: Would you want your blog to be as popular as Dooce? What would be some of the pros and cons? i guess i would want to be the popular because then i could probably make money from blogging or someone would ask me to write a book and that would be a good thing. however, i would imagine that it is a lot of work to keep that many people amused, and i don't know if i have the kind of time/dedication to my blog to do that.
my question: what made you start writing a blog in the first place?
i am going to pass this on to alicia at it ain't easy being cheesy and karie at one fish, two fish... because they seem like they would do this kind of thing (even though i totally understand if they don't). have fun, girls!

i'm it

i have been tagged for a few different things from other bloggers lately and i figured i would do a little catch up work today. sweet mama jones tagged me in this picture meme, which i think is kinda fun. here are the rules:

1) Go to your photo folders

2) Select the sixth file folder

3) Open it and select the sixth photo in that file folder

4) Write a story for that picture, post it and

5) Select five bloggy friends to tag

6) Be sure to let them know they've been tagged

i'm going to break the rules (i know, the guilt is already eating me up) and not assign it to anyone, but if you want to grab it, feel free. anyway, the sixth picture in my sixth folder is one of jack on his birthday. he looks a little excited and a little nervous. not sure why. he's cute anyway, though, isn't he? i love that kid.

i am going to do the second tag in another post, because honestly, i get exhausted looking at really long blog posts and then sometimes skip them because i don't feel i can make the kind of commitment required to read it. i have issues, i know.

i'm back

so, i feel like i haven't posted in forever, but we have had a busy couple of weeks here. the week before last, tommy's brother (who lives in california) was home for a visit, so we had lots of family type "get the kids together as much as possible before they have to leave again" things to do. all of which was very...hmmm...fun. i guess. fun in the "it's good to see these people but life becomes totally crazy and stressful" sense.

anywho...i was very busy last week getting things ready for september...when i go back to school. i spent a good part of tuesday at community talking to advisors and people in the transcript office figuring out what the best courses would be for me to take so that i can apply to nursing school. i also filed my fafsa forms and am trying to get everything in order. it's all a little nerve wracking, but i am actually excited. i look forward to being able to use my brain again for something other than reading textsfromlastnight. i also, really look forward to the day when i am able to go out and function as an independent adult and be compensated for it. i really really miss getting a paycheck. now...i'll i have to do is get through a half million science classes. sigh. i went and met with an admissions person at a nursing school in our area, too, to help me figure out what to take. overall, it was a pretty productive week.

on friday, the kids and i (and tommy's cousin lizzie) got ourselves in the car at 7am (yes. you read that right. 7AM!) and drove to wildwood to spend the day at the water park with the rest of the family. it was a great day. my mom has this theory that if kids are crabby, put them in water. as usual, she is right. we got to the water park at 9am and left at 3pm and my kids were good. all day. maybe it's the sea air or something. i don't know. but whatever it is, it works for us. by the way, i don't have any pictures because last time i was at the beach, i dropped my camera in the sand and it is still not working. sigh.

on saturday, we had a family barbecue. actually, before we got to the bbq, cara and i spent a little time at the er of children's hospital. she keeps getting really bad abscesses on her body that burst and then drain pus and blood and are in general, really horrible. we went there to have it drained and cultured. i am waiting to get test results back and hoping it's not mrsa. we shall see. so, back to the bbq. we went to tommy's uncle's house where there is a killer pool (which sucked a little because cara was not allowed to go in, it, so i kept katie out, too) and a dog (which totally sucks as the three youngest hate dogs and become clinging spider monkeys of fear whenever the dog is near them). there is also a raft race in their town where at least 4 people have to compete in a race on the river on a raft that is completely homemade (the theme of tommy's uncle's raft this year was "the justice league" hence superman and the green lantern in the picture with the boys). it's so very "small town america" and i love it. we all walk down to the river to watch the race with all the kiddies past all of the old victorian homes. it's a really good day (although, i do admit to being pretty crabby this year based on a total lack of sleep, er visit and keeping two small children out of a pool that they really wanted to go in). i've posted some pictures from saturday with the gang in their 4th finery (not thomas, however. since i was at the hospital all morning, it didn't occur to either tommy or thomas that thomas needed to get showered and dressed. the other 4 were dressed before i left. i guess the outfit that matched jack's that was laying on the side of thomas' bed was not a strong enough clue for them. sigh).

sunday was a NOTHING day and it was awesome. i love days when there is nothing to do. nobody even got changed out of their pj's on sunday and we totally needed it. today was a day with a tremendous surprise in it. thomas was to start camp this morning at one of the local rec centers. we got there early and everyone was playing in the playground when the women that ran the camp asked how many of the kids were here for camp. ummm...how many will you keep?!?! it turns out that they also have a tot camp for 3 to 6 year olds, so ALL THREE OF THE BOYS ARE AT DAY CAMP FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS! i don't even know what to do with myself! it's just me and the girls here now! i should probably clean something or do something like that, but i am catching up on blogs instead. haha. maybe tomorrow i'll be motivated.

reason #432 why no one should have three boys...

so this is the scenario in my house this morning...i am in the kitchen making a large pot of saffron risotto for a party i am catering tonight and listening to pandora (i heart pandora) as jack and thomas play a game with a bouncy ball together (what, you say? thomas and jack are playing nicely together?!?!). as far as i can tell, the game should be called "thomas gets a point for everything jack does." but whatevs, they've only hit the stove and the china cabinet twice a piece and no one is crying. win, right? all of a sudden, i hear an argument break out because apparently, thomas no longer wants to play and is telling jack what he likes to play with (nintendo dsi). to which jack responds (brace yourself, here it comes): " i like balls!" at which point, all three boys start laughing hysterically, falling on the floor, screaming laughing while jack shouts, "not these balls! the bouncy kind! i swear!" the only thing that would make this situation worse (albeit, still funny) is the girls asking "what so funny?" as they fake laugh along with the boys. thanks, boys, but i think we will save that lesson for a little later in your sister's lives.

ps - no one got in trouble for this situation because i was laughing too hard and then calling tommy to tell him about it. i wasn't even able to break out mrs. brady's infamous "don't play with your balls in the house." damn.

ps again - so, i posted this 34 minutes again and the game has since deteriorated into jack continually losing points and resorting to whipping thomas in the face with indiana jones' whip hard enough to leave a mark. thomas is in tears. i'm guessing that means jack wins. i also am guessing that this is reason #433.

mean kids suck

ahh...summer...kids home all day with nothing to do but...fight with the neighbors, apparently. we had some drama here yesterday. the boys were playing out front (there are a whole mess of kids on my block, so there is usually at least one other kid for them to play with at any given time). yesterday was one of the first rain free days that we have had here since, i don't know, 1997 or something. needless to say, the kids were out in full force. most of the kids were neighbors that live on our block and i am familiar with, some weren't.
at one point, dennis comes in hysterical crying, but won't tell me what is wrong. he calms down while sitting on the couch and drinking some chocolate milk. later i see that his knees are all scraped and bloody. poor baby. two transformers band-aids later and he is a happy, napping camper. a little while later, as i am ironing and the girls are playing and dennis is sleeping, jack comes in hysterical crying and says someone punched him in the face. he has a big red mark where he was hit. i go to the door to find out what happened and from what i gather, a little boy was making fun of jack and hit him and then jack was hitting him back and then jack was crying (it was a little tough to figure out with 18 kids all talking at me at the exact same time). fine. my kids are told to stay away from this kid and keep their hands to themselves.
a small time later, jack comes back in crying again. he has been hit in the face another time, by the same child. now, i go out again and i say to the kid "if you can't play nice, then don't come over here" as he rides by in the street, on his bike, sticking his tongue out at my children and i. very annoying.
a little while later, i look out the door and this boy is on the pavement in front of my house, upset. i ask what happens and they say thomas knocked him off his bike. now i've had it and my boys are told to stay totally away from this kid and go out back (which is something of a punishment, since none of the other kids on the block are out there, they are still out front). a few minutes later, there is a knock on my front door. yup...you guessed it. it's the problem-causing punk and his parents. the mother wants to talk to thomas. WHAT?!?!!?! does she really think i am going to send my 9 year old out to her? umm...no sorry. i ask what the problem is and am told that my son keeps pushing her son off of his bike and her son is only 6. my response is that my children have been told to stay away from her little monster, um, i mean boy, and thomas was told to keep his hands to himself. however, her son punched my son in the face twice, and my son is only 5. she asks the boy "why are you punching him?" and his response, not surprisingly, was "he hit me first." then she says, "well, it's fine now. they are gone. you can play." this pissed me off the most i think. WE live on this block. not them! my kids were sent away so this kid wouldn't bother them and now he gets to stay and play with all of the other kids while my boys are banished out back! this is all supremely annoying to me.
sadly, my tale does not end here. i went up to get a shower and dressed (we were going to my in-laws for dinner to visit with family in from california) and tommy did also. when we came down and told the kids it was time to go, the boys were very nervous. apparently, this little creep brought his older cousin to our house...knocked on the door...and threatened my boys!!! TWICE!!! are you kidding me?!?! these kids are assholes! at this point, we all pile into the car to go to dinner and tommy makes a stop at the little creeps' house. he speaks to the older cousin's mother who is all smiles and says she will make sure it stops. the little punk's parents come stand at the door, but won't come up and say anything. hopefully, it will not carry through to today. it looks, however, like i will be spending a lot more time sitting on my front step than i originally planned. wish us luck!

how is your day?

just thought i'd drop a little note to let everyone know how my day is going. first, a little background...my house is a 14' wide row home. it is approximately 1000 square feet. this means it is.not.big. in fact, small is a good adjective for my home, very small. this means we are never far away from each other. never. however, today apparently my living room is not close enough to my kitchen (my first floor, by the way, is one big open space. i can see from my front door to the back. no walls obstructing views).

i was in the living room, putting away toys. the girls were in the yard (it is an approximately 8'x14' slab of fenced in concrete in the back of my house). the door to the yard is on the back wall of my kitchen and is glass. i can totally see what is going on there from all over my house. dennis was on the computer (which sits on a desk directly next to my back door).

as i walk into the kitchen, i notice that the back door is open. and dennis is standing at it. and katie is yelling. and. dennis. is. peeing. out. the. door...onto. katie. and. cara.

forget random thoughts tuesday. that is one of the most random (and grossest) things i have ever seen (i've included pictures of the crime scene so that you are able to see exactly how not far away i was).

how's your day?

ps - you can check out keely at the unmom for real randomness.

this is really the person i leave my children with when i leave the house?!

so last night, around 9:30 pm, when all of my children were still awake, katie decided that she wanted popcorn. tommy was taking care of it, so i continued the important work that i was doing on the computer (reading textsfromlast night and shopping for dresses). apparently, tommy "taking care" of it means he opened the popcorn, put it in the microwave for 5 minutes and went and laid on the couch. about 4 minutes and 55 seconds later, he says to me "is that popcorn still in the microwave?" at this point, i look over at the microwave and see the smoke absolutely POURING from it and blanketing the entire first floor of my house. nice. it was so smokey in here, that we had to put the children outside. when i took the bag from the microwave, there was actually some kind of black liquid leaking from it. eyes were watering, everyone coughing...it was crazy. the smoke alarm NEVER went off (did i mention that tommy is an electrician and my smoke detectors are hard wired in my house in EVERY SINGLE ROOM). that's pretty crazy, you see, because thomas takes a shower, the steam sets off the smoke detector.
this whole situation causes me some concern, as i realize that my children's father has an attention span of less than 5 minutes. who is paying attention when i'm not here? oh, right, no one (as proven HERE).
not to worry about the smoke detector though...as i heated up the oven to make lunch today, it started going off like a mother. so now, i am sitting here with the windows open and candles lit (to get rid of last night's burnt popcorn stench) and the hood fan on and back door open to make the smoke alarm go off now. what do you think my neighbors are thinking?

ps - jack said some of the funniest things i have ever heard last night...he told me he didn't want to eat dinner anymore because he didn't like the chicken nuggets. they were french fries. he then proceeded to say to dennis: "i got two peanut guns and i am a monkey." he then went up to change into pajamas and came down with dennis' christmas fleece mickey mouse pj shirt (jack outweighs dennis by about 25 pounds) inside out and a pair of red lightning mc queen pajama pants. but hey, he dressed himself so it's still a win, right?